David Hasselhoff Will Make It All Better

No one is indifferent to David Hasselhoff. He’s the dude from Baywatch and Knight Rider, and his popularity is far-reaching. In fact, David Hasselhoff is to Germany what Jerry Lewis was at one time to France. 2012’s The Christmas Consultant, which sports a great cast and plenty of awkward but good-hearted moments, seems to be one of the Hoff’s lesser-known credits. Lifetime films often are.

The movie opens at the Fletcher house, where the family, who have just moved in, are feeling a little frazzled. Mom Maya (Caroline Rhea) is a perfume executive who often works from home but doesn’t feel as if she’s proven herself to Nadine (Lanette Ware), her new boss. Older daughter Anna (Jess McLeod) has been in agony because she keeps getting embarrassed in front of Chad (Samuel Patrick Chu), her crush. Younger daughter Steffi (Eliza Faria) hides in closets and makes up gruesome fantasies for her dolls. Son David (Darien Provost) is being bullied by the Hastings kid from across the street and has taken to positioning a blow-up doll with his face on it by the front door to give the guy something to throw snowballs at (The Hastings kid isn’t too bright). Dad Jack (Barclay Hope) is just busy and sympathetic to everyone’s troubles.

Maya decides to host a Christmas party for Nadine and perfume guru Boris Tartakov (Aleks Paunovic) even though she and Jack have relatives coming. It’s gonna be a full house and a crazy one.

To take the pressure off, Maya and Jack hit on the idea of hiring Owen (David Hasselhoff), a Christmas consultant to help them have a great holiday. Owen is like a wedding planner, only with tinsel and hot chocolate. He’ll plan the party, help decorate, help pick out the tree, and theoretically give them a great Christmas.

Maya and Jack meet Owen in a restaurant, where he greets them by saying “Merry Christmas” in Finnish and Russian. He’s endlessly perky, clearly knows how to give a sell job, and while he’s a nice enough fellow, Maya can’t hide how weirded out she is. In spite of all that, Maya and Jack still hire him.

Owen gets right to work, and the kids, while also weirded out at first, take to Owen immediately. Steffie comes out of her shell. When the Hastings kid steals David’s sled, Owen helps David pelt the kid with fruitcake. When Owen orders pizza and Chad delivers it, two tickets to a hockey game magically appear with the pizza money, so Chad asks Anna to go with him.

When the family shows up, Owen is on hand with special Christmas martinis and charms everyone. He also puts together a Christmas pageant for the party, to be delivered from the Fletcher staircase landing.

Owen working for the Fletchers does the opposite of relieving Maya’s stress. While she’s trying to work, the house is super noisy and she keeps getting interrupted. So much for taking the stress out of the holidays. Even worse, Maya feels upstaged by Owen and wonders if she’s losing her kids.

This movie is corny as all get-out, but it ends so well that it makes the first two-thirds almost worth it.

Too bad it couldn’t have all been like that instead of what it was, which was an obvious attempt at trying too hard. Everyone tries too hard in this movie. The Fletchers try too hard. Owen tries too hard. The Fletcher relatives try too hard. When everyone finally relaxes, the relief is almost too much to take.

Yet the movie is also firmly in so-bad-it’s-good territory. The computers and websites, for instance, look straight out of the early nineties, so much so that it’s suprising that no one’s using dial-up modems. Owen’s assortment of Christmas apparel is impressive, as is his almost Jedi-like way of anticipating when the holiday spirit lags. I almost expected him to say, “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear,” like a certain other Christmas consultant we can mention.

Which Owen and the Fletchers kind of do, by the way. Owen and the Fletcher kids go caroling, and find themselves in competition with another group of carolers, but it turns out that Owen has an amplfier and microphone stashed in his Santa sack. Not that the Fletchers need it, though, because the other group can’t carry a tune.

Not surprisingly, this movie didn’t go over so well when it was first shown on TV, and Lifetime decided to scrap any future showings. Reviewers complained that David Hasselhoff was badly cast as Owen, but also acknowledged that he gave his all in the role, and some enjoyed poking fun at the movie.

Even David Hasselhoff amiably mocked the movie, calling it corny, while also saying that in his world, that’s never a bad thing. Say what anyone will about the man, David Hasselhoff has a robust sense of humor.

And with that, I’m off for my holiday break. Gonna play the Sims, hang out, maybe do a livestream or two on TikTok, maybe go to some museums, and just relax. I’ll also be reading a commenting on people’s blogs, of course, so look out for that.

Thanks to everyone for reading, commenting, and liking my posts on Taking Up Room this year, and here’s to a great 2026! We have a lot of stuff to look forward to next year, and even next month, because I have some fun stuff planned. I don’t know about anyone else, but I like January. 

All right, have a great holiday season, everyone, and see you in a couple of weeks with a new Substack recap…

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The Christmas Consultant is available on DVD from Amazon. It is also free to stream on Prime and Tubi.

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