Fly Me To Montana

IMDb

We all know that holiday travel is notoriously hectic and possibly a headache-inducer. And of course, it’s fodder for movies, good, not so good, and ill-advised. One of the latter is 2015’s The Flight Before Christmas, although it might seem promising at the outset. It’s a Lifetime movie, so expectations are low as it is, but this movie is strange even for them.

Stephanie (Mayim Bialik) is about to move in with her boyfriend, Brian (Gib Gerard), but at the last minute he breaks up with her, leaving Stephanie homeless and depressed. Fortunately, her roommate, Kate (Roxana Ortega) lets her sleep on the couch in her former apartment, but Stephanie decides to go home to Connecticut for the holidays.

Of course, she magically finds a flight with no layovers, and of course her time at the airport is full of mishaps, starting with not being able to find her boarding pass. Then Stephanie is seated next to a handsome and very annoying stranger, Michael (Ryan McPartlin), and they trade a few barbs before finding out that their plane is about to be diverted to Bozeman, Montana because of the icy, snowy weather.

On a side note, cross-country planes going from LA to Boston generally don’t divert to or even stop in Bozeman, and why would a plane that’s trying to avoid snowy weather divert farther NORTH? Denver International or Dallas-Forth Worth would make much more sense, but hey, it’s a Lifetime Christmas movie and our romantic hopefuls need to go somewhere snow-y and small town-y.

Anyway, Stephanie finds out that she’s stuck in Montana for at least a day, and a lot of the hotels in the area are fully booked. Wonder of wonders, though, a nice old gentleman, Noel (Brian Doyle-Murray) recommends the lovely Inn at Charles Peak a couple of towns over.

Stephanie jumps at the chance. She also takes pity on Michael at Noel’s request, who’s curled up on an airport seat trying to sleep, and the two of them share a taxi to the very cute little town of Charles Peak, where the Inn’s owners, Joe (Reginald VelJohnson) and Marie (Jo Marie Payton) give them the honeymoon suite.

Yeah. Things get awkward. Stephanie takes the bed and Michael takes the couch. The next day they have pancakes at a local diner called Dinky’s before playing games at the street fair and checking out a jewelry store, where Michael looks for an engagement ring for his girlfriend, Courtney (Trilby Glover), who’s waiting for him more or less impatiently in Boston.

Oh yeah, there’s also a dance, where Michael and Stephanie have a little semblance of a romantic feeling. We can all imagine where this goes, and any sense of being let down is completely natural. Again, we are talking about a Lifetime movie.

It’s not completely terrible, though. A Flight Before Christmas does have a wee bit of bite. Not much of a bite, but still a bite.

Right off, we’re going to address the really obvious elephant in the room: Mayim Bialik and Ryan McPartlin are completely miscast. Not in the movie so much, but with each other. There’s no spark there. None whatsoever. They’re just biding time and checking off the expected romantic boxes. Time to look longingly at each other’s social media. Time to look bowled over when someone’s all dolled up. Time to make a lame attempt at dancing at the local shindig. Time to kiss. Time for the rest of us to wince and check our watches.

And the movie tries so, so hard to make these two all sparky and romantic. Everyone from the waitress at Dinky’s to Joe and Marie at the inn to the local jewelry store clerk to the townies at the street fair think these two are a couple. Not to be mean or anything, but in no universe near or far would Stephanie and Michael be mistaken for a couple. When Stephanie shows up looking all ready for the dance, Michael’s face shows no emotion; in fact, he seems to be reminding himself that he’s supposed to look enchanted and fails utterly. It’s not just the lack of chemistry between Bialik and McPartlin, either: Stephanie’s dress isn’t terribly flattering.

What makes it all the more glaring is that Ryan McPartlin is just too perfect for all he’s supposed to be nerdy. Honestly, he looks as if he should be a Calvin Klein underwear model, and the glasses do nothing. It’s like putting glasses on Superman and calling him Clark Kent–we still know he’s Superman. There’s even a scene when Michael comes out of the bathroom in the honeymoon suite wearing nothing but a teeny little hotel towel and one of his pectorals flexes as if he’s a Greek god or something. Stephanie is way less impressed than she should be.

The other thing is that Mayim Bialik needs quirk. I’ve always liked her, she’s a brilliant lady, her Lisa Woodman was very cool and one of my favorite recurring characters on MacGyver, but she always works best with guys who are off-center. Like Woody Allen and Diane Keaton. Or Diane Keaton and Steve Martin. Or Martha Raye and Phil Silver. Or Mayim’s own turn with Jim Parsons on The Big Bang Theory. Miss Mayim thrives in the Off-Center. I’m sure Ryan McPartlin is a nice guy, but a James Tupper type as Michael would have been much, much better because then we’re talking about a guy who’s still cute but not perfect.

Oh Lifetime, never change. Well, maybe change a little bit.

Another post is coming up tomorrow, and here’s a little teaser as to what’s in store: Keanu Reeves sings. Intriguing, right? Thanks for reading, all, and I hope to see you tomorrow…


The Flight Before Christmas is free to stream on Amazon Prime, My Lifetime, Tubi, and The Roku Channel.

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