Life Is Pain

Westley in The Princess Bride once declared, “Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

Who doesn’t remember that line, right? Something about March brings it to mind, because pain was definitely a theme last month. Pain for the characters. Pain for the audience. Pain for the box office. Oh golly, this month stank.

We’re just going to dive right in, y’all. Click the images for the reviews.

The Z-Suite

This Tubi offering is a series. An unwaveringly dumb series. When an advertising company wants a new, young take on product promotion, it fires its award-winning Gen-X team and brings in three Gen-Zers who have absolutely no idea what they’re doing.

The show should work but it doesn’t, mainly because the generations are kept apart most of the time. As it is, it’s mean-spirited, mostly unfunny, and by the eighth episode I just wanted it to be over. At least it’s somewhat better than With Love, Meghan.

Mickey 17

Mickey is an expendable. He’s subjected to pain, death, and everything in between, but it doesn’t matter because another Mickey will be printed, all his memories and other unique factors intact.

Oh, golly, this movie was sadistic. There are only so many times we can see poor Mickey writhe in pain or projectile vomit or die slowly or quickly before it feels old. Not to mention, the men in this movie are either unthinking or toxic, oftentimes both. I glared at the screen for most of the runtime. I couldn’t help it.

Novocaine

Nate Cain feels no pain. Literally. He has CIPA, or congenital insensitivity to pain with anhidrosis, which means his life is an exercise in caution. When he meets Sherry, a new bank teller, his life changes overnight. When four bank robbers dressed as Santa Claus rob his bank and take Sherry hostage, Nate takes matter into his own hands.

While I like Jack Quaid and always enjoy seeing him, after a while this movie became about how much pain the movie could throw at this poor guy. It was kind of exhausting. At least it kept me awake, unlike…

Black Bag

I had to see this one twice. Not because I loved it, but because it felt like a ninety-minute sleeping pill.

It could be worse, I guess, but the main problem is nothing happens. These characters talk and that’s it. No cat-and-mouse games, no red herrings, no MacGuffins. It’s just blah. Kinda disappointing from the team who brought us Presence, and in the case of screenwriter David Koepp, the first Mission: Impossible movie.

I know a lot of people love this film, and more power to them. I just couldn’t get into it.

Last Breath

The one really bright spot in March, Last Breath is based on a true story and a documentary made about that true story. It doesn’t take any especial chances with the look of the film, but it simply lets the story breathe.

It’s ironic, too, seeing as the film is about saturation divers rescuing one of their own who is stuck on the bottom of the North Sea with only ten minutes of oxygen left. Meanwhile, there’s a storm going on topside, which means the support ship is being tossed around, and they can’t drop anchor for fear of hitting a gas main. Not a minute is wasted and it all comes off very well.

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Another post is coming out on Tuesday. Thanks for reading, all, and I hope to see you then…

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