Miss Angela Cruises the Nile

Hello, Ms. Fletcher…

Angela Lansbury’s career was nothing if not well-rounded, and one of my favorite roles of hers is that of flamboyant authoress Salome Otterbourne in 1978’s Death On the Nile. Oh, this movie is fun. But we’ll get to that. And no, I haven’t seen the remake yet, although I’d really like to.

It all opens in the English countryside, where Linnet Ridgeway (Lois Chiles) has just arrived back at her manor house, where her household staff are all assembled in the front, standing at attention and waiting for review. Careening towards Linnet’s quiet and orderly home is her old friend, Jacqueline de Bellefort (Mia Farrow) and her new fiance, Simon Doyle (Simon McCorkingdale), who aims to not only announce their engagement but ask for jobs for she and Simon, as they’re both broke. Linnet is overjoyed and thinks Simon will do just fine.

Simon does do just fine, but the next thing we see is the splashy spread in the society pages about his and Linnet’s wedding. The two of them have a fine time careening around Egypt, taking rollicking horseback rides through the desert and climbing the Pyramids. Only problem is, Jacqui is everywhere Simon and Linnet are, and she’s really getting on their last nerves. Honeymooning becomes a question of staying ahead of Jacqui’s constant presence.

Our cast of characters converge at the Cataract Hotel, where they exchange pleasantries over drinks and dance the tango. Besides Simon and Linnet, there are Salome Otterbourne (Angela Lansbury) and her daughter, Rosalie (Olivia Hussey), there are also Mrs. Van Schuyler (Bette Davis) and her companion, Miss Brooks (Maggie Smith), plus Dr. Bessner (Jack Warden), Linnet’s lawyer, Andrew Pennington (George Kennedy), citizen of the world and general grump Mr. Ferguson (Jon Finch), and Poirot’s old friend, Colonel Race (David Niven). They’re not exactly chummy, as many of them have ongoing beefs with each other, but they can be in the same room without throwing things.

Well, mostly. Poirot has a talk with Jacqui the next day and she tells him all about how her dad trained her to be a crack shot while holding a pistol to her own head. Meh, no biggy, right?

Our group shows up on the Karnak later and prepare themselves for a pleasant cruise down the Nile complete with plenty of sightseeing. It all seems pretty normal, except for a brief scary moment when a brick falls off a pillar at Karnak and almost kills Linnet. Then Jacqui goes crazy and apparently shoots Simon in the leg with Rosalie looking on, and Linnet mysteriously dies while sleeping in her cabin.

Naturally, Poirot is on the case, ably assisted by Colonel Race, and since the movie has already done a good job at establishing possible culprits with very possible motives, there’s plenty of guessing on our part with a lot of cool appraisal on Poirot’s. I won’t say how it ends, of course, but the culprits, whoever they are, are both blithering cowards. That’s as far as I’m going to go in that regard.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but I prefer Death On the Nile over Murder On the Orient Express, much as I enjoy the latter. Peter Ustinov is a brilliant Hercule Poirot who not only switches between three different spoken languages with ease, but doesn’t look as if he buys Brilliantine in bulk. He does wear it, but he doesn’t look lacquered.

Anyway, something Nile has that Orient Express doesn’t is, well, Egypt. We actually get to climb the Pyramids, see the Sphinx and the Temple of Abu-Simbel and we even walk among the Pillars of Karnak. That’s incredibly cool, especially considering it’s almost fifty years since this movie was made and even Egypt has seen changes.

It also has the Karnak. I know people still take cruises up the Nile, but I highly doubt they go on steamships anymore, and that right there makes the film memorable, not to mention pretty darned opulent. Well, today’s Nile cruise ships aren’t too shabby, either, obviously, not by a long shot, but this steamship is really pretty. Although, I have to wonder if cobras ever sneak on board cruise ships nowadays. Poirot finds one in his bathroom and it’s supremely freaky.

Getting back to the movie, the cast is amazing. David Niven is a great foil for Peter Ustinov because he’s laid-back where Ustinov is verbose. It’s also amazing that no one bows and scrapes whenever they walk by Bette Davis, because she really plays up the imperious queen act, and judging from her history, Mrs. Van Schuyler is the kind of part she probably ate up with a spoon. It’s awesome that she got to share so many scenes with the late, great Maggie Smith (rest her soul), because the banter between these two is fun, albeit the way Miss Brooks jerks her employer out of her seat to put her to bed might be considered elder abuse nowadays.

As for our Ms. Lansbury, she clearly had a ball playing the part of the neurotic, always slightly tipsy, over-the-top authoress with the drippy gowns and loads of jewelry and plenty of witty quips. Salome Otterbourne has everything an actor wants in a nice, juicy part, including some bits I’m not going to spoil.

The only weak aspect of Death On the Nile is that it seems very slightly padded out. How many times do we have to see Jacqui stalking Linnet and Simon at historic sites? She’s mad. Linnet is a crummy friend. Simon is a heel. We get it. On one hand, the character development is needed, but on the other, less can definitely be more, and there’s so much to like about Death On the Nile that it doesn’t need much extra help.

For more from the residents of Cabot Cove, please see Sally at 18 Cinema Lane. Thanks for hosting this, Sally–it was a blast! Thanks for reading, all, and I hope to see you on Sunday for another review…

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Death on the Nile is available on DVD and Blu-ray from Amazon.

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