Don’t Go Upstairs

Back in the Hammer-Amicus universe…

I’m still a relative newbie to the Hammer-Amicus universe, but anthology movies seem to be a staple of that universe, and in 1972 audiences were treated to the simply-titled Asylum, four tales within a tale that likes its twists and turns.

The movie opens with young Dr. Martin (Robert Powell) approaching Dunsmoor, a remote asylum at what looks to be a former manor house. The director, Dr. Rutherford (Patrick Magee) is in a wheelchair because a patient attacked him. Apparently patients in insane asylums are like the ocean and no one should ever turn their backs on them.

Undaunted by this super obvious red flag, Dr. Martin agrees to Dr. Rutherford’s terms: If he can successfully interview four of the asylum’s inmates, he can have the job. Dr. Martin heads upstairs with plenty of confidence, where he meets Max (Geoffrey Bayldon), the orderly, who ushers him to the fated four rooms.

So yeah, the first room holds a pretty young lady who sings to herself while keeping her back turned, and our first story is “Frozen Fear,” a torrid tale of Walter (Richard Todd) who’s having an affair with Bonnie (Barbara Perkins). They’re planning on running off together, but first Walter has to present his wife, Ruth (Sylvia Syms) with a present: A new coffin freezer, and yes, the operative word here is “coffin.” And just in case there aren’t enough bad puns in this segment, Walter literally says, “Rest in pieces.”

Walter thinks he’s committed the perfect crime, but payback is a witch with a “B.”

The second room shows an older gentleman pantomiming sewing, and the story is “The Weird Tailor,” about Bruno (Barry Morse), a tailor who’s so down on his luck that the landlord has told him if he doesn’t come up with rent money by Friday, he and his wife should start packing.

Just in the nick of time, who should enter but Smith (Peter Cushing), who wants Bruno to make him a special suit. He won’t say what it’s for, but if Bruno can finish in time, he’ll be paid handsomely. The only catches are that he has to use fabrics provided by Smith, follow the instructions provided by Smith, and only work on the suit between midnight and five AM.

Bruno and his wife, Anna (Ann Firbank) are dubious, but they need money, so any port in a storm. They’re a little weirded out when Bruno accidentally pricks his finger and the bloodstain on the fabric fades almost immediately. However, that all pales in comparison to what happens when Bruno delivers the suit.

The third room houses a young girl named Barbara (Charlotte Rampling), and her story is “Lucy Comes To Stay.” This one is pretty simple: When Lucy (Britt Ekland) comes to stay at a country mansion, she’s told to rest. She can’t, though. She keeps popping some mysterious yellow pills and before long a friend of hers, Barbara shows up and promises to take her back to school, and for heaven’s sake, would Lucy please stop taking those infernal pills?

“Lucy” takes on a bit of a Thelma and Louise vibe, especially once the phone lines are cut and the housekeeper and Lucy’s brother mysteriously die. Also, there’s a reason we’re always told to never run with scissors. That’s as far as I’m gonna go.

The fourth and final story is “Mannequins of Horror,” in which a Dr. Byron (Herbert Lom) has built what are essentially sentient models of himself, only they look a little bit like the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz. Here the lines between the characters’ backstories and the present begin to blur. A lot. Poor Dr. Martin doesn’t know what he’s let himself in for.

OK. My lovely friend, Gill, told me when I signed up for this blogathon that Asylum is one of her favorite Amicus films, and after seeing it myself, I can see why. Although it was written by Robert Bloch, it’s got a Ray Bradbury-type feel to it. It’s a lot of fun. It’s got just enough blindsides to inspire a chuckle or two if not an outright gasp. It’s all fair game.

I also liked seeing Richard Todd as Walter, because the only other movie I’ve ever seen him in is A Man Called Peter, and it’s quite a switch to see a guy go from playing a respected pastor and Senate chaplain to a ruthless killer who stuffs his wife’s dismembered body parts in a coffin freezer. Who knew, who knew.

That said, there were some parts I thought came off better than others. My son and I probably laughed a little more than we should have at the “Frozen Fear” denouement, because it was more hokey than creepy, especially one part in which a disembodied head wrapped in brown paper seems to breathe, and the only way we know it is the paper throbs. In another bit, a leg seems to move like a stiff earthworm across a basement floor. They’re gags worthy of a Spirit Halloween store and probably supposed to be terrifying, but there’s too much kitsch for that.

The stories get stronger after that first one, though, although the kitsch factor is still definitely in evidence. The suit Bruno sews for Smith seems to glow as if Smith bought the fabric on Krypton, and the mannequins throughout the movie look unbelievably cheap. They’re like the ones seen in museum dioramas, thrown together but not necessarily believable, although they get the point across nicely.

That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with kitsch; I like it. Good stories are good stories, and Asylum gets all the marks for creativity and inventiveness. It’s well worth a look or several, at least.

For more Hammer and Amicus goodness, please see Gill at Realweegiemidget Reviews and Barry at Cinematic Catharsis. Thanks for hosting this, Barry and Gill–glad you brought it back! Thanks for reading, all, and I hope to see you Wednesday for a new Page To Screen…

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Asylum is available on DVD and Blu-ray and is free to stream for Prime customers.

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