Reading Rarities: A Sloth’s Guide To Taking It Easy

It goes without saying that we’re all spending extra time at home right now. A lot of extra time. It also goes without saying that it can be hard and weird because, among other things, it’s a real slowing-down process. We don’t know how long we’re going to have to live this way and a lot of us can’t wait for life to go back to normal, or at least sorta normal. We want to pay our bills and feed our families without government assistance, appreciated though it may be. We need to regain normalcy and usefulness even while we take precautions.

When one is a sloth, however, slow is where it’s at. Slow is what’s wanted. The less activity one packs into the day, the better. To a sloth, plodding through life is absolute bliss, especially if there’s sleep involved. A lot of sleep. And a lot of food, preferably including various grubs.

Since we’re all home for the time being, why not lean into the whole sloth thing? Except for the grub-eating part, that is. Anyway, Brian the Sloth is waiting to show us how to relax in Sarah Jackson’s A Sloth’s Guide To Taking It Easy: Be More Sloth With These Fail-safe Tips for Serious Chilling.

Brian is a sloth of few words, so we’re going to jump right into this. Or rather leisurely dip our toes in one at a time, because it’s much more sloth-like.

First things first, though, what kind of sloth is Brian? Well, he has no education or employment history, but he’s great at eating, sleeping, napping, and hanging out with friends. He’s also an optimist and is very patient, especially when communicating with creatures from any and all walks of life. He’s got this relaxation thing down, y’all.

Now that those little pleasantries are established, here are some of Brian’s tips for making R&R a way of life. Just a small sample, though, because we can’t steal all his thunder:

Eat healthy.

This one’s a no-brainer, because when you eat well, you feel well. Brian would recommend his favorites of grubs, twigs, leaves, and nuts, natch. We humans wouldn’t go there, though–fruit, veg, lean proteins, dairy and whole grains will do just fine, thank you very much, with the occasional treat thrown in to stave off binge eating. No matter what choices we make, Brian recommends relaxing and taking the time to enjoy our food because then we digest it better. Just maybe not eat so slowly that lunch runs into dinner, though.

Use positivity mantras.

Another no-brainer. Brian recommends finding three positive things about ourselves and repeating them on a daily basis. If we’re having trouble finding anything, Brian says we should ask our friends and family. It doesn’t mean we flit through life without acknowledging the hard stuff, but we can choose how we respond to what we encounter. Justin Scarred calls this the Quest For Positivity. Proverbs 17:22 says, “A cheerful heart is like good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

Make time for your favorite things.

Brian’s favorite things include eating leaves and chatting with Phil the Snail, but he likes sleeping best because he can dream up other fun things to do throughout the day. It’s too easy to get caught up in the stuff that’s needed and miss out on the wants, Brian says. That’s no fun. It’s all about balance.

Spend time with like-minded people.

Brian says it’s easier to stay positive when we surround ourselves with people who are on our wavelength. Yeah, this one’s a little tricky right now. Being with family is a good thing, obviously, and we’ve all noticed neighbors and friends finding unique ways to be together. It also helps if we leave some toilet paper and Clorox wipes on the shelf for others instead of panic buying, but I digress. I don’t know about anyone else, but I get that one High School Musical song in my head whenever I hear someone say, “We’re in this together.” You’re welcome.

Take a deep breath.

We all know not everyone’s going to be a kindred spirit. Brian advises breathing in and out instead of letting anger take control. If you fall asleep, Brian says, go with it. It’s all good.

Embrace modern technology.

I think this one’s a check for most of us. Brian likes having the world at his tranquil fingertips. He also likes text lingo because it takes all the work out of typing full sentences. It’s unclear if our R&R expert has discovered emojis, however–those may blow his mind.

Try online dating.

Brian says this is a great way to meet interesting creatures from all walks of life, and much easier than waiting to meet them the old school way. Point taken, Brian, but this idea’s kind of a minefield. There are a lot of wackjobs out there and they like to prey on anyone with a pulse, even if they’re married. I’ve gotten to where I won’t follow guys who only follow women on social media because inevitably they always DM me and I end up blocking them. Ugh. Twitter and Instagram aren’t meet markets, people. Don’t be creepy. Just don’t.

Relax with a good book.

Despite having no education and no skills, Brian has embraced the joys of reading. He likes magazines best.

Lighten up and have a laugh.

Who doesn’t need to laugh now and then? Brian likes making his friends laugh, although he cautions that not everyone has a good sense of humor.

Don’t compare yourself to others.

This piece of advice is a big one, and it’s tough to remember when seeing people living their best life on social media. Brian says try not to be jealous. Just congratulate people and then secretly remind yourself of something great you’ve done.

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Yeah, as you can tell, some of Brian’s advice is sound. Other parts, not so much. The Guide is not meant to be completely serious anyway, though, so it’s all good. A Sloth’s Guide To Taking It Easy is a fun, lightning-fast read with cute illustrations. It may make you want to take a nap or three.

We’re going to have a visit with Marion Davies on Saturday, so hope to see you then. Thanks for reading, everyone…